A junk drawer for my brain. Some of it is kewl, some of it is not. You decide.
I like to believe that I have a pretty solid sense of music, but in actuality, it's pretty meh. My favorite artist is Tame Impala, band is The Growlers, and song is Space Song, but these are always changing.
My "musical awakening" occured pretty randomly. I wasn't shown a crazy song by a friend, or anything like that. I vivdly remember driving to Ventura with my sister in our fam's super old white Toyota Sienna and randomly on her spotify qued "Way it Goes" by Hippo Campus. From then on, I was absolutely hooked to the band and religiously listened to them (they actually were my first concert!). Anyways, listening to them opened the door to other artists and genres that were quite popular at the time looking back now, but to me, I felt so stupidly cool and "indie." Some honorable mentions on my Freshmen year playlists are Boy Pablo, Sales, and Foster the People. Thankfully from then, my taste has grown a lot, especially considering that at one point in my life I strictly listented to Disney movie soundtracks.
Today, I listen to anything, however, I usually prefer rock. Country even pops up a few times in my playlists because it's honestly kinda gewd. I guess this means to say that every song has a time and place to help set the mood for. Like sometimes I'm blasting the Interstellar soundtrack cause it HITS, and other times it's Beach Baby cause I'm feeling super nostalgic. That's what's so rad about it, and I absolutely love it. If you were expecting some deep reflection on how music has changed my life or something along those lines, I'm sorry to disappoint. Here's some of my all-time favorite songs and stuff I've had on repeat lately.
Milk makes us strong. Music makes us strong in any way you wanna interpret that. Hence, music = ear milk.
It's my 18th birthday. Never thought that I'd become one of those people who hate their birthdays, but here I am writing this, crying, and blasting Beach Baby. There's honestly a lot of things going for why I hate my birthday -- them being that it's sandwiched between some of the busiest holidays where none of my friends are in town or can't hang out because they're with their family, it's winter so the weather is terrible, and everyone always finds a way to combine my birthday with Christmas. Right now, California decides to finally get some rain plus it's pretty flat so I can't even surf. And there's some COVID surge or whatever right now, so all of my friends are sick or busy.
Even though those are pretty sucky reasons already, the part that gets me the most is how all of the complex emotions of growing up culminate, and you're just left to sort through the mess of it while expected to be stoking. The idea of getting older is exciting, yet so scary, and I know how cliche that sounds, but I finally am starting to really grasp it. One on hand, I am beyond stoked to grow up, and be more independent, knowing that I will thrive and really find my niche when I'm not constantly berated to live up to given expectations. I don't necessarily dislike my hometown as it's so friendly and familiar, but for lack of a better word, I'm 'stuck' in an environment that is not fit for where I am in life right now. Growing up will only help me to get where I should be. It'll give me the opportunity to choose my friends and lifestyle. I look foward to freedom.
However, as much as I want to live on my own and do my own grocery shopping and whatever else 'adulting' may consist of, I love being young and not being held accountable for anything and constantly using my naiveness as an excuse. For example, it's socially okay for me to run through the streets at midnight, or be obnoxious with friends in public because I was just a kid. My parents look at me differently now. Although I'll always be their little girl, I know that that's not what I am to them anymore. I fear disappointing them. There's this stupid fear of mine, and it's quite funny and foolish, but it genuinely plagues me: getting arrested. Now that I'm legally an adult, I'm so scared that I'll unknowingly make some stupid, illegal mistake, which will leave me behind bars. It's not that I want to be a child again. Play dates and all that jazz were fun, but I don't need to relive them again. I just want the abstract privelages of being a kid with the freedoms of adulthood.
The more I want to get older, the more I yearn to stay young. Cheers to a new era of life.
The concept of the New Year's Eve Holiday is absolutely gratifying and lively, but I have a MAJOR bone to pick with it: why are the most absurd and least expected businesses closed on New Years Eve? For example, I tried to run into 7-11 to grab some juice good for the soul -- yerba -- and I walk up to the building with all of the lights on, except the doors are locked. Okay, so next I try McDonalds' even though I haven't eaten there in more than 7 years, hoping that they would be open because they seem like the type of institution that would be open 365; however, I drive up, and cones are blocking the drive-through. Odd. Lastly, thinking I would find something, I head to the gas station because those are always open, no matter what. No, closed.
The thing is that I understand that all of these workers have a holiday to celebrate as well, etc, but it logically makes no sense to me that they are closed on New Year's Eve but still fully open on Christmas Day. OR, there are still some establishments that are open on NYE; so, I'm just like just do all-or-nothing -- either all of these seemingly uncessary but randomly necessary places should be closed, or they should all be open. (If I'm making no sense, I'm about 6 hours past my usual bedtime, and I'm not reading this through, so what you're reading is straight from the noggin... gewd stuff?)
Anyways, congrats on making it through 2021! As of right now, my resolutions are simple: to (1)live, (2)laugh, and (3)love. Actually, this might be my recent reading of Walden speaking, but I just want to simplify everything. Maybe I'll devolve into a nomadic luddite who will only walk places or I'll wear the same thing everyday. I mean, as long as it makes me happy, so who really knows?
I wish you all a new year full of experiences and revelations. Hopefully, businesses will get their act together 364 days from now.
If you know me, you know that I literally eat this everyday:
1/2 cup oats
2 tablespoons cacao powder
scoop of chocolate protein powder
non-dairy milk
mix them all together and let soak overnight. i usually top with berries, peanut butter, and cacao nibs. enjoy:D
a video i find amusing: click this.
I’m an avid (accidental) practitioner of Murphy’s Law (“anything that can go wrong, will go wrong”). Lots of odd stuff happens to me. Here’s a few SURFACE-LEVEL examples:
-My car stalled 7 times on my way to school
-I shot an entire roll of film from my trip up to SLO but forgot to put a roll in, so I was shooting nothing the whole time (worst heartbreak ever.)
-Got an allergic reaction on my birthday from a sheet mask
-Forgot my work shoes at least 4 times. (remedied this problem by wearing my mom’s shoes that are 3 sizes too small)
-Set off my work’s office alarm → police to showed up
-Was regifted a stranger’s wedding favor for helping them get their phone from their car
-Found dog hair trimmers in my car the other day
-Mooned at the library
-Sister threw away my hair I was going to donate
Weird stuff, but I live for it. It breaks up the monotony from just working and going home, and it gives some dimension to conversations. I hope this list continues to grow, and maybe I’ll learn that these experiences are actually rooted in my excessively dangerous laziness and rash decisions. Until then, I will continue to identify as a first-hand witness to Murphy’s Law.
(Looking back at all of these posts as a whole, I sound kinda pessimistic. I promise I’m not such a negative nellie.)
something i wrote 10 minutes before the deadline in inspiration of jaques' speech.(it's actually a poem but i'm too lazy to reformat it)
All the world’s a banana farm, And all the men and women merely bananas; And (hopefully) one man in his time grows, His development being seven shades. At first, light green, New to the world, hanging in the bunch with others, Unaware of its future potential; And then the pinch of yellow, Somewhat firm -- somewhat naive -- But it’s growing -- learning. And then the transition, Where the yellow overcomes the green, The ‘nanner is ready to be plucked off its bunch, Leave the farm, go into the markets, And see what the world has in store for them; Then a vibrant yellow: Thriving, the banana is in its prime, Unbruised, ripe, sound, Appears perfect for any recipe it may be used for, But some are sweeter than others, More apt for different things; However, this shade is ephemeral, As it’s quickly taken over By age and is left wounded by the world. Though appearing undesirable, It’s sweet with strong flavor. Penultimately, It achieves a mushy texture and a dark, umber brown, No longer fit to be a snack. Last shade of all, (if lucky enough to make it) Dried and leathery, Decomposing, leaving its legacy within the earth for others to grow Sans flavor, sans fruit, sans desirability.
i got a 29/30 on it
i kinda want to delete instagram. i kinda want to get a tattoo. i kinda want to be able to wake up at 4 am every morning like it's no big deal. i kinda want to go square dancing. i kinda don't want to go to college anymore. i kinda want to learn how to knit. i kinda want to use my entire savings to buy a dog. i kinda want to get rid of my entire closet. i kinda want to experience southern hospitality. i kinda want to know what it feels like to be sunburned. i kinda want to relive 3rd grade. i kinda want to throw my phone into the ocean and live life simply like the amish. i kinda want some mango right now. i guess there's a lot of things that i kinda want -- that's too bad lol.
I thought that I hated city life— it’s too face paced and everything is small and expensive but the city is big and run down. However, recently I went to New York and unexpectedly fell in love. I realized that I admire just being a face in the crowd, a complete stranger to everyone. It’s freeing being in a setting where no one knows who you are. I never want to be famous. I want to be unknown, a simple passer-byer that no one gives a second thought towards. My identity is found — and enhanced — in me being just a number. Nothing is expected of me so I can do as I please. So maybe one day I will end up living in the city, but none of you will ever know because I will let the city engulf my entire existence.
This might be a little late and thus out of order. But here are some facts about me:
-I love Jesus, peanut butter, and jazz
-Big fan of corduroy
-I wait until my gas tank is empty to fill it
-middle child (explains a lot lol)
-night showerer; morning person
-I listen to house music while I study
-Afraid of ceiling fans